i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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