More tranny stories later!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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