Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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