saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
