I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
