its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
