doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
