I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
