dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
