We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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