You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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