"it" just moved
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want her autograph on my taint
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
