I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
dude. I can hear the air.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
