Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
