There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
