her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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