I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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