I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
