walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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