Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
