he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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