the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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