is your mom at the bar?
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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