So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
