All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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