what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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