oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize