So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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