i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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