Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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