That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
