Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
