just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
