I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
