My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
