That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
