its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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