A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
