Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We need to get me chipped asap
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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