lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
