You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
A+ Viking dick
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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