Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
