just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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