This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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