What did we do last night that was yellow?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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