I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
