i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need to calm my uterus...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
