Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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