I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
