What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
