history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
