Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
