when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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