watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
