My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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