last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
