his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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