The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
