Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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