i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
