I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
