babies were throwing up all over the place
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
