Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
