Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
