why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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