just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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