A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
FUCK WHALES
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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