woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize