Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
