I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
