like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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