I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
