just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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