ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
