You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
