I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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